Horn-Ball

I DVRed the Oprah Show “Why Millions of Women Are Using Porn and Erotica” on Tuesday not because I was looking forward to this particular episode or anything, but to be honest with you, I DVR all of Oprah’s shows. I told you I was a dork. Anyways…I found this topic to be very interesting, because I’m one of these dirty bitches that enjoys a good erotic film every now and then.

Now, don’t misunderstand erotica for hardcore porn, it’s not even remotely the same. I’m not into Big Jim and the Twins slamming into a chick and having their pleasure juice shot all over the hot girls face…YUCK!!! Seriously…why do guys like that? It makes me feel like they treat all women as “holes”…yes holes and not whores…but they do that too I guess. Why do they like to watch that? I guess the same reason us women enjoy the “more plot” of a porn and really dig the foreplay scenes….because were not getting it at home, so we have to watch it!

There is something else about porn that I find amazing. Men watch it to jerk off too…but I’m sure most women don’t get out the lube, turn on the DVD player just to flick their bean. Nope…this is a guy thing…well okay, maybe we do it once in awhile, but the majority of us are too busy for this. More than likely, we are multi-tasking as we are enjoying our soft core porn. BUZZZ the dryer is done and you are folding cloths all while you are getting hot and bothered watching Fabio romantically kiss and fondle the hot women with absolutely no hair on her crotch and no razor burn or bumps ...(how do they do that?...and Fabio is NASTY....I think I seen him strip at one of my friends bachelorette parties and he hurt his leg! LOL).

Another thing, why do guys all get together to watch porn and go to strip clubs? I mean, do they enjoy watching their buddies get a boner? When us girls watch porn together, we seem to always be making comments like “man, he has a big one”…. “yuck, look at her tramp stamp” or “oh, cute shoes she has on”….we aren’t sitting around in silence getting excited like guys do.

Yeah, most of us would love to be able to please our man like the ladies on the movies….that is why Jenna Jameson’s book “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale” was on the best sellers list for weeks! We all wonder…are we really good at it? Yeah, I think and (cough, cough, I don’t mean to brag) have been told I give amazing BJ’ers…but sometimes just looking at my husbands wang will make it go “off”. So is it really me doing such a great job or is it just the fact that I’m touching it for a change that is pleasure enough? I think I might need to buy this book!!

To be honest though, I’ve always been into the kinky stuff. I love Howard Stern, because he is one dirty bastard and can get girls on his show to do anything. I also really enjoy watching the WE Channels “Secret Life of Women”, which each week follows a different group of ladies where they reveal what they really do behind closed doors. For example, one week it showed how the Mail Order Bride thing worked….and did you know that these girls take classes on how to make their man happy in bed! It taught them things like what to do if the mans wiener was too big or too small….and everything in-between!!! I kinda wish we had this class in school instead of Home Ec…at least I would get some use out of it! I know there are a lot of other naughty girls out there or else this show wouldn’t be on WE, the Women’s Entertainment Network!!

Now by how much I talk about sex, you think my husband and I would be banging every night…but that just isn’t the case. We are just too tired sometimes and really are too lazy to do anything about it. Lame, yes I know….! Thank God for the movies!!